Merry Xmas!

My MIL has this tablecloth that the kids could draw on - and the above is Rudolph as lovingly depicted by Hanaya. She even drew him a little carrot. Hana is of course in on the fact that Santa does not exist - Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy - all baby stuff now. She was also fairly shocked to discover recently that she is in fact not stronger than I am - when I informed her that I used to just let her win at arm wrestling all the time, she was genuinely surprised and blurted out, "but maman, your muscles are so small!" - well baby, time to face the fact - adults lie.

Of course, Little Manolee has no idea. She just thinks that Santa is some nice man that comes around giving away presents. That much she knows. In the last few days we even got it into her head that he does not give presents to just anyone - oh no, you have to be a nice girl. She doesn't quite get it yet though and the threat does not seem all that ...well, threatening.

This Xmas eve, Hana got dressed up as Santa and ran around my MIL's garden, while Manolee looked out in marvel and awe and squealed with delight. I asked her later, "was Santa very big?" and she replied, "oh maman, very big, Santa!". Meanwhile, Hana does not betray the fact that she is indeed my daughter, as upon re-entering the house in her Santa guise, she launched into a diatribe about how muddy her shoes got in the garden. That is my girl!

The girls were endlessly spoiled. Some stuff like candy and chocolate, they did not even look at for more than 1 second, just onto the next gift. Gift after gift, not even stopping to marvel at the stuff. It was a bit of a rude awakening for PeeWee and me. We gotta do a better job instilling in them some perspective when it comes to these things!

I had a bit of a surprise this Xmas actually. PeeWee has been going on and on about what a big present he got me - that it's such a great present, how I was gonna be in tears once I see it and feel bad that I didn't get him anything nice (he should know, last year I got him a lint brush), how he cannot wrap it because it's so big, how he won't have it under the tree because it's so big, etc etc. He was going on about this for about a week. At first I was like, whatever. But the more he went on and on and the more proud he seemed of himself, I slowly began to be convinced that he did indeed get me a great present - a great BIG present - and for me that was only one thing - a Mini Cooper. Yes, it seemed a ludicrous idea, that he would get me a CAR for Xmas, but hey, it is possible and why else would he be parading around so proud of himself at this seemingly perfect and BIG present? My only worry was, damn, my parallel parking is really rusty, can't be damaging a new car in these small French streets.

So Xmas eve when he said that my present was in the garage, I thought to myself - did I hear a car enter the garage? Did I hear the engine running? Yes, I think I heard the engine just before. So I took my time, taking care to look completely nonchalant, even bored, not to seem to be in too much of a hurry to see my BIG present.

Lo and behold, there in the basement was a big machine.

It was an elliptical machine.

A beautiful machine in and of itself, of course, but a Mini Cooper it definitely ain't!

Now I laugh at myself that I thought he would have bought me a car for Xmas. I also laugh that he was so proud of himself at having picked out THE perfect gift for me. But there you have it, I am acting just as spoiled as my kids! Of course, it is a wonderful present. Sure beats a bottle of cologne I got for him! Thank you, PeeWee! I will try to make sure the elliptical machine does more than just hold up wet laundry! (Now, a clothes dryer, that is another big machine I could use)...

On that note, Merry Xmas everyone!

French Ambiguities, Part III (Tu - Vous - Whatever)

The above is a picture of Mr and Mrs Jacques Chirac, the former French president. After decades of marriage, apparently they still "vous" each other - as in "je vous aime" rather than the more intimate, "je t'aime". They do look a bit uptight, no?

Herein lies another cultural ambiguity I experience almost on a daily basis - the "tu" versus the "vous", or in English, "you" versus the "you" - see what I mean? For me, you is you is you! I tend to default to the "tu" because for me that is not only easier to conjugate, but I also just don't see the point of "vous". I noticed, however, that some people, notably some moms at the school, default to the "vous" when addressing me. Only after I repeatedly use the "tu" do some of them also start to "tutoyer". However, there are some moms that resolutely maintain the "vous" with me, as if "I would rather not get too close to you" - at least that is how I interpret it.

If the rule is always just use the "vous", say, outside your immediate family, I think I could live with that. However, at some point in the relationship, the "vous" becomes "tu" and where and what that point is, I think is very hard to figure out, and sometimes hard to agree on.

The confusion gets compounded because "vous" can also mean "tu" in plural. For people who pride themselves in the intricacies of their language, this lack of precision is quite astounding in my view. So someone who has been "tu"-ing me suddenly can ask me something with a "vous", meaning me and the girls, for example- and that throws me off and I start to "vous" back to the person, when I am just talking about her. Then the other person gets confused and starts "vous"-ing me back, thinking that I all of a sudden want to start being more formal. Confusion all around. Avoidable? Not in French!

A friend advised me to just ask "on peut se tutoyer?" (can we "tu" each other?) - however, what if that person ever says no? What to do then? Being a foreigner, I can get away with just "tu"-ing everywhere, I guess. But when the rights and wrongs are so unclear, I just find myself more annoyed than anything else...

Green or Stingy?

So I went to buy some candy to stuff into the kids' Xmas stockings. Above is what my purchases looked like coming out of the store.

Do you see the ends of the candy sticking out? So much so that I had a hard time grabbing the bag's two handles together on the way home!

I noticed that in France (and to some extent, other European countries I have been to), when you ask for something that you expect to be free (as in the US), you may get it but either begrudgingly (e.g., tap water), ill-fittingly (reference picture above), sparingly (e.g., one single napkin instead of a whole wad; two ice cubes instead of a whole cup full), or you have to pay for it. Witnessed at a McDonalds in Brussels last October, where an American Woman (AW) asked for extra ketchup, and the cashier said "15 centimes". The AW said, "what?", when the cashier repeated and the AW said, "what are you saying? I don't understand you", then grabbed the ketchup and started to walk away. Being a good citizen, I interjected and said, she is charging you for the ketchup. The AW was absolutely aghast, and said "I thought that is what she was saying, but I could not believe it!" - I sympathized, as that was my exact reaction too, at a KFC some years ago in London - see the following exchange:

Rae: Can I have some more ketchup please?
KFC Clerk: That will be 15 pence.
R: Excuse me?
KFC C: (exasperated sigh) 15 pence each extra packet.
R: (surprised) I have to pay for those?
KFC C: (losing patience): 15 pence each EXTRA packet.
R: How much is salt?
KFC C: Salt packets are free.
R: (quick on my toes as always) Can I have 12 salt packets?

I wonder, despite the Green and eco-friendly movement just recently gaining momentum elsewhere, that this is just the way the people are brought up here from way back when, that you must not use (nor give out) more than you absolutely need. In a way, I agree - when I was in college, I used to bring enough McDonalds stuff back to the dorms that I never had to buy ketchup, straws or napkins (I remain a fiercely loyal customer there to this date - wonderful memories). Stuff I actually felt entitled to, actually, since I spent good money there to eat in the first place (and often at that too). But imagine all that stuff that people take with them on their trays and then just throw out.

My good friend M. thinks that the French are just stingy. One too many times she has been galled by second-hand giftwrap paper, wrinkles and remnants of scotch tape in all the wrong places. Maybe the wartime mentality of never having enough that has lingered on and passed through this generation - is her theory. I'm not sure. But in any case, I sure wished for a larger bag for the candy because when I went to pick up the girls from school straight afterwards, I had a hard time trying to hide what was inside that itsy bitsy bag!